Friday, June 17, 2005
| Moving Forward Today. Well, let’s start with yesterday. Right before I was leaving work last night, my good friend Ari emailed me and asked if I wanted to get a glass of wine with her. I was in a really depressed funk and thought that the best way to get out of it was to have a drink with a good friend that I haven’t seen in a while. So I left work and Ari and I met up at our usual Tuesday ritual restaurant. We sat outside, drank wine, smoked cigarettes and watched a hurricane blow through the city. There was also this semi-hot guy in the bar that I (for some reason) fell in love with while sitting with Ari. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in quick obsessions that I have to take it to a ridiculous level. When the semi-hot guy went to the bathroom, I went over to his friend and asked if he was single. When he told me he was married, I told him that I was asking about him for Ari. Haha! She handled that very well considering that I totally sold her out for a SEMI-hot guy. :) When I got home, I played cards online with my brother for hours and hours and hours. I didn’t quit until Paul came home. We spent some time together talking about a few issues and then he went to bed. I washed my face, ate a quick dinner, and got into bed. At 3am. Who am I kidding? I was going to go home and go to bed early and suddenly I was up later than any other night this week. My friends always say “Get Joe out for one drink, he’s out for the night!” And I prove that theory right every single time! This morning I had a meeting with my boss’s about my impending promotion. I have to say that while I didn’t get exactly what I was asking for, they bent over backwards in what they offered me. I got a title change…I’m now “Office Manager”, and I got a $6500 salary increase. They also signed a contract with me to review my position at the end of the year and to discuss another raise. Not too bad and I know I shouldn’t be anything other than excited. But for some reason I have this lump sitting in my throat. I’m just going through so many changes right now and I’m terrified that I’m not going to be able to handle them on the salary I make, as well as my current insecurity with my friendships. There’s just so much. You know it’s funny. My life was in limbo for so long that in many ways I became accustomed to being stagnant. It was easy and although it didn’t make me happy, I never felt as stressed as I do now. At this point, the changes have taken control of my life and I couldn’t slow them down or stop them even if I tried. I got this ball rolling and now it’s moving so fast that it’s become increasingly hard to keep up with it. BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! It’s Friday and all of this serious talk is putting a major damper on the plans I have for tonight. I’m seeing some friends, having some drinks, and getting out of my head for awhile. Right now I’m going to end this post, go have a cigarette and think happy thoughts. There’s nothing I can do to make my sitatuion any more tolerable right now, so maybe it’s ok for me to take a mini-break away from my life. Just have fun, let whatever happens happen, and do my best to enjoy the weekend that’s coming up. Who ever thought getting happy would be so hard? |
